Over the weekend, I turned to the trusty i-Player to watch Sue Bourne's fascinating documentary The Age of Loneliness. I heard an interview with Ms Bourne on Bernie Keith's show on BBC Northampton, else it's not really the sort of programme I would watch. I'm glad I tuned in.I'm generally quite happy with my own company, but there is a world of difference between solitude (a good thing) and loneliness (most definitely not a good thing). There have been times when I've felt a touch isolated, such as when I first left home all those years ago, when I've started a new job or been somewhere everyone knows someone except me; but they have been fleeting and manageable, and I'm blessed in that I've never been properly lonely. However, if this programme is to be believed, it's only a matter of time.
It seems to me that one thing we can do to help ourselves is to be involved with as many different groups as possible. Some of the saddest stories in the programme were of those long-married couples where one spouse has died and the remaining partner has looked up to find she or he has no friends. Devotion is wonderful, but only doing things as a couple is always going to end badly. The same is true where a partnership breaks down and one person moves on. If friends have only ever been joint friends of the couple, rather than the individuals, it's bound to be tricky when the dynamic changes.
Obviously I'm no expert, but may I urge you all to embrace contacts and friendships wherever you find them? Spread your wings. I'm not saying everyone you meet will become a bosom buddy, but living a closed-off existence is storing up trouble. (That said, I appreciate that crippling shyness and mental illness bring their own issues, also touched on by Sue Bourne.)
The other point that came across is that busy people can still be lonely. So if you know someone who lives alone, even if they seem to be quite content, it can't hurt to ask them in for a cup of tea once in a while.
It's very sad that so many people end up lonely and that sounds an interesting programme (didn't see it). I have lots of friends and enough involvement in things but husband is often aware that he hasn't and I'm hoping he might get involved in something (other than work) when we eventually move.
ReplyDeleteIt's odd that it's often the men who don't have many interests beyond home and work. I wonder if it's because mums have to forge new connections for the sake of their children and the urge to expand the network never goes away. Maybe it's just a gender thing: although there of course many women stuck at home who don't have much else going on. Either way it's sad.
DeleteJust catching up with your posts. Now following you via email so shouldn't miss any. I do agree that we should all follow our own interests so we have a circle of friends. I think women are so much better at this than men.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely. I wonder if it is our inherent nuturing instinct, Maggie.
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