Sunday, 29 July 2018

If this is style, you can keep it

I don't why I put myself through it. I mean, I know the Sunday supplements are based on pure fantasy and, as the League of Gentlemen would tell me, 'There's nothing for you here.' The thing is, though, every now and then I have a lazy Sunday in prospect and find myself thinking that what I really need is a copy of The Sunday Times, with a crossword I have no hope of completing, several sections that go straight in the recycling basket (today's gem: The MBA List 2018) and the chance to be patronised by the fashion police.

Today, then, in spite of my better judgement, I browsed the glossy little add-on that is STYLE (note the block caps). Brace yourselves.

Page 7 has the STYLE Barometer, where I read that 'heating up' is Noisy Yoga: 'Forget candles and breathing, the next gen [sic] of yoga classes encourages whooping and vocalisations.'  Forget breathing? Really? My teeth start grinding.

Skipping quickly over the the double-page spread telling me what to wear with a jumpsuit, I arrive at a feature on 'THE NEW FITNESS TRENDS TO TRY NOW'. (More block caps.) The whole article is full of the most pungent BS, but two snippets take me from raised hackle status to full-on spitting with rage mode.
  • Under the subhead STRETCHING (seriously, enough with the caps), is this: 'If you don't get along with yoga, the chances are your muscles are tighter than they should be.'  Now, I'm no expert - oh,wait: yes, I am - but  surely that ought to read: If your muscles are tighter than they should be, you need to try yoga.
  • That is nothing, though, to the abomination that is Ganja Yoga. I kid you not. '... run by hatha yogi Dee Dussault, [Ganja Yoga] delivers a more meditative, less physical practice.' What the ...?  Apparently, you can get a one-to-one Skype session for about £45 an hour. 
 I bet you can.
 
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10 comments:

  1. Rosemary Gemmell30 July 2018 at 14:51

    A very good advert as to why not to buy and read STYLE - they'd be better with your book!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Elizabeth Varadan, Author30 July 2018 at 15:27

    a £45-an-hour Skype session for what basically sounds like advice on meditation. Lol. I don't think so. I guess there always has to be some new "lure" to keep people spending money. I do have to admit, though, when I have time, I am hooked on the NYT Crossword Puzzle.

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  3. Julia Thorley30 July 2018 at 15:43

    It made me so cross, Elizabeth. It's another of those 'kerching' exercises.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Author R. Mac Wheeler30 July 2018 at 17:43

    I need to get back to my yoda too

    ReplyDelete
  5. Patsy1 August 2018 at 08:27

    I've never been particularly (OK at all) stylish, but I don't think forgetting to breath would greatly improve matters. That's going to be the absolute last thing I try.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Maria2 August 2018 at 23:20

    The world has gone stark raving mad!
    I've said it before, and I'll say it again, writers are lucky they can escape into their own heads.
    I stopped reading the supplements a few years ago after an article I read declared we'd all be wearing yellow, and spending hundreds and thousands of pounds on unnecessary cosmetic surgery procedures in the next few months.

    I thought what a load of codswallop!

    The downside is, I really miss decent articles, and used to love reading the Sunday papers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Julia Thorley11 August 2018 at 14:54

      Thanks, Maria. Great to see the word 'codswallop' getting an airing!

      Delete

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