Headline news

Example 1: from the BBC front page 'Local news' comes this headline:

'Virgin worst Christmas performer'

Who could resist clicking through to learn more? The actual story, of course, is that Virgin Trains was the worst performer for punctuality during the festive season.

Example 2: from last night's local paper:

Slapped in street

A man was slapped across the face while walking home in Kettering on Monday afternoon. The incident happened between 3.55pm and 4.05pm at the junction of London Road and St Mary's Road.

And? That's all it said! I need to know more! Was he hurt? Did he know his assailant? Was the person doing the slapping male or female? Was this the final act of a long-running feud or completely unprovoked? And why the precise time slot? Was he aware of the church clock chiming at some point during the incident? And if this happened on Monday, why wasn't it in the paper until Thursday?

Any ideas?