New Year's Resolution? Not likely!

This is the script of my broadcast on tonight's Paul Edwards Radio Show.

So here we are on the brink of another year. I have a good feeling about 2012: I like a year that is an even number, and a Leap Year is better still. Don’t know why. 

Of course, the papers today are full of tips on how we can achieve our New Year Resolutions. Boring! My resolution is not to make any resolutions. Instead, here is a list of things I'm not going to do this year.

Happiness is having warm toes!

• Take any notice of what's hot and what's not. Who cares what's trendy in the world of fashion? I have enough trouble finding something that fits – and, at this time of year I'm more concerned about keeping my feet from solidifying from cold than whether or not my boots are a la mode.
• Start a new fitness regime. Why put myself through it? I already do yoga every day, walk and cycle because I can't afford petrol, and have registered for the Sport Relief Mile. That should be sufficient incentive to keep moving.
• Count calories. Commonsense and a tight waistband tell me when I've had too much. My grandmother used to say that enough's as good as a feast, and I'm not going to worry about the energy stored in a garibaldi.
• Learn a new language. I think my schoolgirl French and random other foreign phrases will suffice. Besides, my passport has expired, so the chances of me needing to speak anything more exotic than English are pretty slim – unless we get invaded, of course.
• Grumble about the money being spent on the Olympics. It's happening, folks. Accept it and move on.
• Try something new. My life is already littered with stuff I have taken up with enthusiasm and then put down again. I should revisit these before attempting basket weaving or country dancing, or whatever.
• Kid myself that anti-ageing creams work. Wake up, sister: it's just marketing. And given that people with smooth, nipped and tucked faces that don't move are subject to more ridicule than those of us with our history writ large on our countenance, I'm settling for a few wrinkles.
• Read more. I don't have to try to do this: it'll just happen.
• Get stressed that my crockery doesn't match. There's food on the plates, isn't there?
• Worry about the end of the world. Isn't it possible that the last date on the Mayan calendar is 21st December 2012 simply because they got fed up of writing it? And if I'm wrong and they're right, there's nothing I can do about it.

Happy New Year, everyone.